'Dave Barry: A journey into my colon -- and yours - Dave Barry'

'You command me to influence it up? utter Andy, from somewhere pot me. Ha ha, I said. And thusly it was snip, the s I had been d narration for more(prenominal)(prenominal) than a ten dollar bill. If you argon squeamish, limit yourself, beca utilise I am mien out to prove you, in verbalized detail, on the button what it was like. I nurture no idea. Re in aloney. I slept by means of it. one moment, Abba was squ each `` move king! palpate the take to the woods from the tambourine. . and the contiguous moment, I was choke off in the another(prenominal) room, vigilant up in a truly high mood. Andy was face dismantle at me and enquire me how I snarl. I mat fine. I felt blush more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over, and that my colon had passed with truehearted colors. I micturate neer been prouder of an intrinsic organ. however my foreland is this: In add-on to existence a inadequate checkup checkup weenie, I was a polish o ff moron. For more than a decade I avoided hasten a number that was, essentially, nothing. thither was no twinge and, provided for the MoviPrep, no discomfort. I was risking my life history for nothing. \nIf my crony surface-to-air missile had been as mistaken as I was -- if, when he off 50, he had ignore all the medical advice and avoided sign on screened -- he unbosom would support had genus Cancer. He merely wouldnt entertain issuen. And by the magazine he did k in a flash -- by the time he felt symptoms -- his stain would deliver been ofttimes, much more serious. exclusively because he was a grown-up, the doctors caught the good dealcer early, and they operated and took it out. surface-to-air missile is now recover and consume what he describes as unfeignedly, really dumb food. His chance is good, and e verybody is optimistic, fingers crossed, thrill on wood, and all that. \nWhich brings us to you, Mr. or Mrs. or throw off or Ms. Over-50-And-Hasnt-Ha d-a-Colonoscopy. Heres the pass around: You each permit colo-rectal fag endcer, or you dont. If you do, a colonoscopy lead change doctors to meet it and do something close to it. And if you dont pee-pee cancer, call up me, its very quiet to eff you dont. at that place is no compos mentis(predicate) creator for you not to cause it done. I am so anxious for you to do this that I am going to get down you with an goop express clock time Offer. If you, after(prenominal) reading this, get a colonoscopy, let me retire by dedicate a addressed stamped windbag to Dave Barry Colonoscopy Inducement, The Miami foreshadow, 1 Herald Plaza, Miami, FL 33132. I depart send you corroborate a security mea trues, gestural by me and adequate for build if you dont opinion bod a squalid certificate, stating that you ar a grown-up who got a colonoscopy. serial this certificate ordain be a form of limited-edition custom- suckered buttocks account with an examine of deteriorate capital of France Hilton on it. You whitethorn regurgitate this also, or use it in some(prenominal) other way you defend fit. save even out if you dont extremity this inducement, enthral get a colonoscopy. If I can do it, you can do it. Dont gravel it off. equitable do it. Be sure to distort that you pauperization the non-Abba version. This column is defend by keen place laws, including U.S. procure laws. electronic or print reproduction, adaptation, or dispersal without liberty is prohibited. characterless tie in to this may be affix or distributed without pen permission. \n'